Sadness

I have started this post about three times.  I just don't know where and when to update.  One day you could talk to me and I could be on cloud nine after a good talk with a social worker or a milestone met. Or the next you could talk to me and I could be in the depths of despair from a stressful visit or lack of communication.
So here is where I am today: feeling a deep sadness. There is sadness in knowing an hour spent with her family makes her clingy for the whole next day. There is sadness in knowing siblings are also processing. There is sadness that her family can't be whole. And there is sadness thinking she might not stay. It seems as if there shouldn't be both kinds of sadness. But there is because her life's story will always bear the marks of sadness, whether she stays or goes. And I just have to sit and process that while I rock her.