We signed up for this

I can remember times with our biological kids, that Tim and I would look at each other and say, "and we decided to do this?", mostly joking with a hint of truth. And I would always come back to my verse "He settles the barren woman in her home, the happy mother of children", scolding myself for even half a second not being grateful for my gifts.
Having kids wasn't easy for us, with a wait of 4 years for the first, and three for the third, and loss in between. I always said that would give us perspective, but sometimes, in the dead of night, perspective slips and you wonder why you prayed, begged, hoped so long for this insanity. But then, he/she/they look up at you and God taps your heart and you remember, you were made for this, they were made for you, and it is all okay.
This morning I had an ugly moment.  Let me tell you all, it wasn't pretty.  I had gotten a literal 2 hours of sleep, that were tinged with guilt because they came at the loss of my husband's sleep, and he had to go act human at work. As he was walking out the door, Tim says over his shoulder, "Its okay babe, it's what WE signed up for." There it was, hanging out there, just like with the bios, we had made a decision, one you don't back out of, even when it gets ugly, even when it gets hard. Its what we signed up for, together as a team. The tears fell a little, but the day started looking up.
It is true, we signed up for this. At some point in our journey we specifically said, "what a gift it would be to help someone trying to get clean when we know what it is like to have a screaming baby". At that time though we just didn't realize what we were truly signing up for.
We got the call, the "can you go to Wichita and pick up a baby girl? You will have to take classes to take her home. She was born addicted . . ." And we said yes. We had done our research, we knew people who had similar stories, we thought we had a clue.  But there is a difference I tell you between reading words on a page and experiencing them.
Symptoms may include: Tremors (trembling), Irritability (excessive crying), sleep problems, high-pitched crying, tight muscle tone, hyperactive reflexes, seizures, yawning, stuffy nose and sneezing, poor feeding and suck, bowel issues . . .
Words on a page cannot prepare you for the child that needs swaddled constantly even at 5 weeks, who has trouble pooping on her own or is up literally all night long.  It just can't. So there are going to be moments when this "we signed up for this" stuff feels a little unfair. But, then, she smiles, she calms, she snuggles close and God taps your heart and you remember, at this moment in time, you were made for this, she was made for you.

"Care for the flock that God has entrusted to you. Watch over it willingly, not grudgingly- not for what you get out of it, but because you are eager to serve God." 1 Peter 5:2